Eurovision 2024 — My rankings

In continuation of my annual tradition, here is my personal ranking of the 37 songs in the Eurovision Song Contest 2024. For each song, I’ve heard the studio version, read the translated lyrics (when not in English), and watched the stage performance.

The emoji relate to the semi-final that each act participated in (1️⃣or 2️⃣) and whether the act passed their semi-final (✅ or ❌, with 🟩 for the Big Five and host country that go through to the grand final automatically).

(In previous years, if a country was put through to the grand final automatically, it did not perform in a semi-final, since it wasn’t competing there. The first time that TV viewers saw those acts was in the grand final. This year, the acts all perform in the semi-finals, including acts that aren’t getting voted on — which is good because it gives the TV audience a chance to warm to each performer before the grand final.)

1. 2️⃣🟩🇮🇹 Italy — Angelina Mango — La noia
2. 2️⃣✅🇳🇱 Netherlands — Joost Klein — Europapa
3. 1️⃣✅🇮🇪 Ireland — Bambie Thug — Doomsday Blue
4. 1️⃣✅🇭🇷 Croatia — Baby Lasagna — Rim Tim Tagi Dim
5. 2️⃣✅🇨🇭 Switzerland — Nemo — The Code
6. 2️⃣✅🇪🇪 Estonia — 5MIINUST x Puuluup — (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi
7. 2️⃣🟩🇪🇸 Spain — Nebulossa — ZORRA
8. 1️⃣✅🇺🇦 Ukraine — alyona alyona & Jerry Heil — Teresa & Maria
9. 2️⃣✅🇦🇹 Austria — Kaleen — We Will Rave
10. 1️⃣🟩🇬🇧 United Kingdom — Olly Alexander — Dizzy
11. 2️⃣✅🇦🇲 Armenia — LADANIVA — Jako
12. 2️⃣❌🇨🇿 Czechia — Aiko — Pedestal
13. 1️⃣✅🇨🇾 Cyprus — Silia Kapsis — Liar
14. 1️⃣❌🇵🇱 Poland — LUNA — The Tower
15. 2️⃣✅🇬🇷 Greece — Marina Satti — ZARI
16. 1️⃣✅🇱🇺 Luxembourg — TALI — Fighter
17. 2️⃣❌🇸🇲 San Marino — MEGARA — 11:11
18. 1️⃣✅🇱🇹 Lithuania — Silvester Belt — Luktelk
19. 1️⃣❌🇦🇺 Australia — Electric Fields — One Milkali (One Blood)
20. 1️⃣✅🇵🇹 Portugal — iolanda — Grito
21. 2️⃣✅🇳🇴 Norway — Gåte — Ulveham
22. 1️⃣❌🇮🇸 Iceland — Hera Björk — Scared of Heights
23. 2️⃣❌🇩🇰 Denmark — SABA — SAND
24. 1️⃣✅🇸🇮 Slovenia — Raiven — Veronika
25. 2️⃣✅🇱🇻 Latvia — Dons — Hollow
26. 1️⃣❌🇲🇩 Moldova — Natalia Barbu — In The Middle
27. 1️⃣✅🇷🇸 Serbia — TEYA DORA — RAMONDA
28. 1️⃣🟩🇸🇪 Sweden — Marcus & Martinus — Unforgettable
29. 2️⃣🟩🇫🇷 France — Slimane — Mon amour
30. 2️⃣❌🇧🇪 Belgium — Mustii — Before the Party’s Over
31. 1️⃣🟩🇩🇪 Germany — ISAAK — Always On The Run
32. 2️⃣❌🇲🇹 Malta — Sarah Bonnici — Loop
33. 1️⃣❌🇦🇿 Azerbaijan — FAHREE feat. Ilkin Dovlatov — Özünlə Apar
34. 2️⃣✅🇬🇪 Georgia — Nutsa Buzaladze — Firefighter
35. 1️⃣✅🇫🇮 Finland — Windows95man — No Rules!
36. 2️⃣❌🇦🇱 Albania — BESA — TITAN
37. 2️⃣✅🇮🇱 Israel — Eden Golan — Hurricane

(Low) Notes

The Netherlands were disqualified on the day before the grand final, after Joost Klein argued with a camerawoman aggressively and the police were called. So although he passed the semi-finals, he could not perform in the final or receive votes. The broadcaster Avrotros believes the disqualification was unfair; I myself don’t know enough about the situation to agree or disagree. It has not affected my rankings.

I have also included Israel in my list, despite not having wanted them to participate due to their current assault on Palestine. They’ve killed at least thirty-five thousand in Gaza in the past seven months, mostly children and other civilians, and this is in addition to their long-standing beseiging of Gaza and occupation of the West Bank. Russia and Belarus have been banned from Eurovision since 2022 for the invasion of Ukraine, so it’s odd that Israel has not been similarly punished.

I appreciate that Hamas’s extreme terrorism makes the Palestinian side less innocent than Ukraine (if Hamas and Palestinian civilians can be considered the same side), but the International Criminal Court is now investigating Israel’s attack on Gaza as a potential genocide, and Benjamin Netanyahu’s administration are keen on using Eurovision to garner sympathy for Israel. The song contest’s organizers are insisting that Eurovision is “non-political”, but at what point does that end? At what point does uniting countries in music become providing cover for war crimes?

Update from after the contest: the ICC is now seeking to arrest both Netanyahu and his foreign minister, along with Hamas leaders. This not exactly a guilty verdict, not yet… but wow.

Lighter remarks

Ireland had their best result for decades with Bambie Thug’s fantastic performance inspired by satanic ritual. They came in 6th place in the jury vote, 6th in the public vote, and 6th overall — 666.

The final this year had three songs entitled Liar, Fighter, Firefighter. I look forward to next year, when we’ll probably get songs called Chilly (from Iceland), Hilly (from Switzerland), and Milli Vanilli (about an ice-cream parlour for millipedes).

What’s more — the final had three songs about witches (Doomsday Blue, Ulveham, Veronika). The contest had three songs about things twirling around in a circle (Dizzy, Hurricane, Loop). And the contest also had three songs about a woman on a tall object (Pedestal, The Tower, Scared of Heights). Now I want a song about a witch with a crystal ball atop a tower, with the title Higher Scryer.